My hand turned me down
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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