When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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