i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
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She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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