Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
