i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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