We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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