At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
