turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
