Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
