Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
