living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
