sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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