One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
