If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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