He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
