can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
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Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
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Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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