yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
