But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
