If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
