I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
