my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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