NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
