He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
