please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
