FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Its about making memories worth repressing
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
