You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
