i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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