Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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