I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
