It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
