i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
