I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My vagina is officially offended.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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