I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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