Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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