Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
