i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
