i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
