Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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