She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
