I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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