This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
