cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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