our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
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He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
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omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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