so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I am available for nakedness
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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