Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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