I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
