I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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