Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize