Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We had to coat check the pizza.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
