I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize