did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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