The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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