so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?