I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Can I color on your dick again?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.