so I'm never txting u again after today...
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."