wakey wakey hands off snakey
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah