Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.