Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
