I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
