As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
