As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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