I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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