It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she peed on how many people?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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