'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
