omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
