So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
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think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Still dying that you shit outside
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
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my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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