i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
