I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
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I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
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I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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