I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
